Marriage is hard, but these 3 couples share what makes their decades-long relationships so successful

• Healthy relationships can make you healthier, and increase your lifespan.
• For Valentine's Day, we asked 3 married couples together for over 40 years for their relationship advice.
• While all the couples had different tips, they all shared a few in common.

If one wanted to be cynical about the length of today’s romantic relationships, it wouldn’t be hard. Last summer featured back-to-back celebrity divorce headlines while “gray” divorces — break-ups among people over 65 — are rising in the US. And dating app burnout is a real phenomenon, according to people looking for a partner. For some, it’s enough motivation to stay happily single.

Yet, younger people still want marriage even if they don’t exactly know what they want theirs to look like. As more people strive to live longer, many want someone to spend that time with, without losing the spark or drifting apart.

In fact, a fulfilling relationship can actually extend your lifespan, according to longevity studies on centenarians who live long, happy lives. According to research, being in love can dull physical pain, boost your immune system, and lower your chance of a heart attack.

“Good relationships lead to health and happiness,” Harvard researchers Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz said of the longest study of human happiness. “The trick is that those relationships must be nurtured.”

A lot can be learned from partners who’ve been together for decades. To harness their best-kept marital secrets, we spoke to three couples who’ve each been together for over 40 years.

At first glance, they’re all quite different: Rita Smith and Theodore Smith, Sr. are devout Christians in New Orleans, Louisiana who speak openly about their sex life on TikTok. Dr. Beverly Palmer and Dr. Richard C. Palmer both work in psychology fields and have separate offices in their southern California home. Lastly, Bert Morton and Lee Korty spent years advocating for their right to marry as a same-sex couple, still dedicating their free time to LGBTQ+ organizations in Springfield, Illinois.

Yet for all their differences, the couples all share some core commonalities that make their relationships so successful.

Be active outside the house

From fancy dinners to community service, all three couples made it a point to get out of the house and do new things — whether together or apart.

To keep their marriage feeling fresh and fun, Theodore Smith, Sr., 64, often plans spontaneous date nights with his wife Rita. “It gets you stimulated, and when you do go home, the next thing you know you want to take your bath and be sexual again,” Rita Smith, 62, said.

It was also important to have friendships and plans outside the home. “Outside friendships are so important,” Dr. Beverly Palmer, 78, said. Both she and her husband Richard, 79, have their own sets of friends that they walk or play sports with, as well as mutual friends they see together. Friendships give you new experiences to talk about — and can be great for your health as well.

Lastly, community activism can help couples feel less isolated. “We were raised in communities,” Bert Morton, 75, said of him and his husband, Lee Korty, 65. “We believe in participating as a member of the community.” Morton is involved with event planning for an LGBTQ+ organization while Korty helps with its tax filings.

• Read Rita and Theodore's love story and tips on sex and intimacy

Grow together, not apart

All of the couples mentioned growing a lot over the years, be it individually or together. But no matter what, they always changed in alignment with each other.

Morton and Korty entered their relationship with different strengths. “We both came to the relationship with a strong sense of who we were, and we weren't looking for another person to take care of us,” Korty said. “We could stand on our own, but we could still come together and complement each other.”

While the Palmers share similar professions (Beverly is a psychologist while Richard is a psychiatrist) and even an office building, they set boundaries by having their own offices at home and at work. They also pursue separate interests outside of their jobs.

“It's wonderful to share interests together,” Beverly Palmer said. “But I think what's equally important is each of the partners having their own interests, so they can bring a lot of new things into the relationship.”

And sexually, the Smiths keep experimenting with what makes intimacy exciting for them, never relying on what worked decades ago. “I like to have this pink piece around my neck, it just makes me feel more sexy,” Rita Smith said. “A cowboy hat on, Wonder Woman, Catwoman. I like to just be different characters.”

• Read Beverly and Richard's love story and advice on healthy conflict

Express gratitude often

Bert Morton said he and Korty both have “gratitude for the good things that we bring” into the relationship.

Empathy, active listening, and tenderness for the other person are all things that are important in maintaining a healthy relationship. Couples who lack these qualities often split up.

Dr. Richard C. Palmer observed what’s important in a marriage from his clients.

“I see some of the pitfalls that they have and I think I've learned to try to avoid them in my own marriage,” he said.

To have a truly happy, long-lasting bond, it’s important to tell your partner you appreciate them all the time. “You got to tell your wife every day you love her,” Theodore Smith, Sr. said. “You don’t stop telling her that.”

• Read Bert and Lee's love story and tips on independence in a relationship

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By: [email protected] (Julia Pugachevsky)
Title: Marriage is hard, but these 3 couples share what makes their decades-long relationships so successful
Sourced From: www.businessinsider.com/married-couples-share-secrets-long-lasting-love-2024-2
Published Date: Wed, 14 Feb 2024 11:23:01 +0000

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